Pauline Hanson has reassured Australians that she is not part of the elite, confirming she travelled overseas on Gina Rinehart’s private jet to attend CPAC. A global networking event for some of the world’s most powerful people. Many who are very upset about the existence of poor people remaining free and maintaining opinions.
Not elite, merely airborne
Hanson explained that the private jet was merely “a lift”. She insists that ordinary battlers like herself regularly find themselves airborne or otherwise subject to the spontaneous generosity of mining billionaires.
“I’m just like you”, she said. Whilst reclining into Italian leather sipping something that cost much more than a fortnight’s JobSeeker.
What’s it like, the view from above?
Upon landing, Hanson reportedly stayed at Mar El Rinehart, a $66 million Palm Beach mansion, describing the experience as “refreshingly anti-woke.”
“After the madness of Australia”, she allegedly remarked, “it was nice to relax somewhere that understands hierarchy, obedience, and that servants should not make eye contact.”
But some animals are more equal
A spokesperson for One Nation, a party permanently furious at things it can’t define, attempted to clarify Hanson’s non-elite status. “People have the wrong idea about elitism,” he said. “Elites aren’t billionaires, lobbyists, or international political donors. No, elites are teachers, journalists, nurses, scientists, anyone with a sound mind of their own really.”
According to the logic, wealth only becomes “elitist” when it’s used to fund public services, climate policy, or empathy. When wealth is used to fly politicians overseas to complain about the poor, it becomes “common sense.”
Global anti-globalism convention
At CPAC, Hanson was warmly received by the global anti-globalists, attending an international conference to network about how much they hate globalism. “Australia First,” Hanson declared proudly, moments before applauding American culture war slogans which she intends to import wholesale.
Political analysts say Hanson’s brand resembles cosplay, dressing up as a battler while being bankrolled by people who think “minimum wage” should be a historical artefact. “She doesn’t oppose elites,” one expert noted. “She just resents being mistaken for one.”
As Hanson returned home, Australians were left asking the same question: how many more times can you scream ‘battler’ before the altitude sickness sets in?
