Tony Abbott, the only adult ever to be in the room, is threatening a comeback. Problem is the room burned down years ago.
Abbott has re-emerged with the confidence of a man who’s never encountered self-reflection. Australia didn’t reject him he insists. We just got confused and wandered off without permission.
Knighthood of delusion
Turns out he and fellow overachiever, Peter Dutton, have been secretly hatching plans to bring back the black knight and his dames. Because when life is tough, nothing steadies the nation like the slapping of a ceremonial sword.
It’s nostalgia as policy, a belief that if we rewind far enough, men will be men, coal will regain its righteous place as king, and the British empire will start return calls again.
The woke reality
Asked what the motivation is, Abbott railed about what Australia has become. Declining tolerance for bullying, no more shirt fronting, and the general expectation that adults behave like, well adults.
And to top it all, a belief that something might be wrong with the weather.
It’s all become deeply confronting.
Dutton whispers from the shadows
Best mate Peter Dutton offered a salutary endorsement. “If anyone can save the nation by driving the party further into oblivion,” he whispered, “Tony’s the man to do it”.
It was unclear whether this statement was support or a cry for help.
Should Australia brace for a knighthood renaissance, or just gently take the sword away and say “that’ll do”?
